Stuck in the middle with you

So, our drive home from group Monday night somehow consisted of the discussion on what we plan to do with our jobs, once we have children. In all honesty, we really have no idea, but, for some reason, we decided to act like we knew what the future would bring and how we would control the situation. LOL.

Harvey:
"My mom worked 9-5 and dad worked ALL the time... so, we went to day cares and we were fine."

Leslie:
"My mom stayed home with us... we only went to day care a handful of times and I remember...." and I continued with stories of how I was left behind when my daycare provider took the kids to the store, how I would secretly lay there crying during nap time, how I was accused of breaking all the crayons when I didn't... and so on and so forth.

"And not to mention what I saw when I was working at the daycare in Mesa while we were in college Harv... from that time on, I made a promise that I would never send our kids to that type of an environment. NEVER." I stated...

And we found ourselves, yet again, in a situation where we both were coming from separate places. Opposite situations. Stuck in the middle again.

I know he doesn't believe in me staying home with our kids until they go to school. If he did believe in that, there wouldn't be a discussion on this. It would just be common knowledge that I would quit any job that I had and become a full time mom. But, as much as I want that, I don't see the light at the end of that tunnel.

I am going to pray on this more. Not so much to get what I want, but, to make sure we are making the right choice for our kids. I don't want to look back and say "I missed it." and I don't want to look back when my kids say "well... I didn't turn to you because you were busy."

Walking the same path...

I spent Sunday Evening with my sister-in-law, Katie. The goal was to teach her to knit. We worked on that for about an hour. Our conversations went from talking about yarn and techniques, to baby items, then to the main subject that was really on both of our minds.

My Brother, Matt, and his wife, Katie are in the process of adopting a baby from Russia. You can follow their story in more detail on their blog which is one that I follow. "Our Journey".

But Sunday night's conversations were a little more personal and more emotion driven than facts and time lines. I knew it would be a conversation that would take place and I knew it was something that we needed to talk about.

Katie and I seemed to fit well together as sisters from the beginning. None of my brothers past girlfriends gave me the time of day, so, when I first met Katie and she hugged me, I knew this was the one. I wasn't even surprised when Matt asked me if he could propose at Me and Jonathan's Wedding Reception. Katie was a brides maid and already a part of the family in my eyes. I actually felt blessed to be able to share my special day with them. The day my dream came true, was the day her dream had just begun. It was just right.

It was only natural that we had decided to have our children together. Or at least try to have them around the same time. We were so excited as we dreamed up plans for trips to the zoo together, birthday parties together, and all the fun things we did when we were kids.

It's been almost five years since My brother Proposed to her at the Harvey wedding and a lot has changed since. I guess life just happens that way. They have moved from Newton to Elbing and then from Elbing to Wichita and with Work, Responsibilities, and other Family, we just don't see each other as much as I thought we would.

It wasn't until this Christmas that the news was dropped that they were adopting. And it took me until two weeks ago to muster up enough courage to bring it up with her on Facebook. I guess I was surprised that She wasn't telling me. I wasn't included in the process. I mean, this is my only Brother, and the only "sister" i had ever known. But, I had to push that back (far back) and realise that this wasn't about me anyway.

This was about them.

The little chat window in Facebook was beginning to fill with 3 paragraph responses about where they were in the process, and bits and pieces of her hopes and fears. I knew this needed to be a conversation in person and not on the computer screen. She had mentioned that she wanted to learn to knit and make baby things for the gifts she would take to Russia. I saw that as my window of opportunity and said "Yes, I'll teach you. Lets get together this weekend!"

So, after only about an hour of knit lessons, we somehow ended up in the hallway upstairs, leaning against the wall and talking. We talked about their adoption and me and Jonathan's hopes of having a baby. It was a long (4 year) overdue heart to heart. Even though we are going in two completely different directions, we have the same goal, and we somehow managed to come back together at the same time.

I am so thankful for my Sister. And I am so thankful that we are walking the same path again.

Another Full time job?!?!

I think my biggest fear right now with having a little one, is, what will I do when it comes to my two jobs?

Growing up, my mother had two jobs as well. She cleaned houses and she raised me and my brother, Matt. I remember going with her to these cleaning jobs and helping out. She always gave us something to do. I normally dusted, Matt vacuumed. I wish those habits were ones that stuck with me! LOL.

But the best times that I remember growing up are the times at home. I remember Mom setting up my whole play-doe set on the kitchen counter. I remember all the fun craft projects we did together. I remember laying down in her bed room with her to take a nap. I remember my brother and I playing outside and running around the neighborhood.

All these wonderful memories I hold so dear, are what worry me today.

Last year, I found myself in a career. It wasn't anything I really had planned on achieving. but, none-the-less, I enjoy my job and it's a stable paycheck coming in. before I started my full time job, I was teaching part time at Butler Community College in the evenings. Hoping that my teaching job would eventually lead to a full time teaching job, I decided to keep that position along with my new full time job. So, I now find myself working a 9-5 (sometimes more) job and teaching 3 hours a week in the evenings. Which works out just fine for now.

But where will that leave us when we have a baby? What will be the best route to follow? I will be honest and say that I always dreamed of being a full time Mom. Staying home and raising my children. But, with Jonathan owning his own business, there isn't enough dollars coming in to do that. I made a pledge that I would NEVER send my kids to daycare. I've worked at a few day cares in my life and the bad taste will never leave me. I can't rely on my mother to take care of our kids while we work. What is the point in that? Although she would do it in a heart beat.

I guess the ideal situation that could happen is that I will be able to teach full time at some point which would leave me away from my kids for only 3 hours, 5 days a week. Which I would then be able to ask my Mom to cover those 3 hours. And I know they (Mom and Dad) would love that time. But, it looks as though the full time gig at the college isn't in my immediate future and we've held off this long for starting a family, how much longer would we have to wait to have an ideal situation? Probably forever.

So you, the reader, as my witness, I am completely giving this over to God today. There isn't anything I can do to change this situation. I will have faith that God knows whats best for Jonathan and I and only He can put us in the places we need to be.

Mo' Tussin

A coworker of mine just clued me in on this tip... I guess some have used Robitussin to help them get Pregnant....

Hmmm...

There is some anecdotal evidence (not substantiated in the medical literature) that the active ingredients in Robitussin cough syrup change the mucus to make it more penetrable to sperm. Some recommend that a woman take two tablespoons per day in the two to three days preceding ovulation. There have been cases where women have had allergic reactions to this medication, although it is widely used and generally considered to be safe.

I guess Chris Rock was right when he said...

"All you need is some mo' Tussin"

LOL LOL LOL

I think I'll be allright without it. (smiles)

Proactive.... not Reactive

I found this list online today... so... I decided to post it so that I can go back and check things off as I go. I'm glad I did, becuase, there are somethings that I hadn't thought of! If anyone thinks of more check off items, please add them! The more help, the better!

Besides doing the deed with your partner, (LOL) there are several things you should do before you decide to get pregnant both for your health, your babies health and an increased easiness in conceiving.

Family history for both mother and father
Blood types of both mother and father
Rubella, 5th’s Disease and Chicken Pox immunity
Prenatal vitamins X - plan to start taking these next week! Any suggestions on Brand?
Prescription medicines X - not taking any and don't plan to take any.
Weight control
Foreign substances (smoking, alcohol, drugs)

Family History
During your first prenatal appointment your doctor or her nurse will probably just draw blood and ask a bunch of questions regarding your health and the history of health problems in both yours and the father’s family. Questions regarding birth defects, cancer, Downs Syndrome, and other general health questions. If you know these answers ahead of time it will make that first visit go much faster. (good call... I'll have to gather all that info soon)

Blood Types
The blood type is very important for both you and the baby’s father when you decide to get pregnant. There are rare occasions where the mother and father’s blood type will not be compatible. In this case the baby’s blood type may not be compatible with the mothers. This can cause rejection of the fetus by the mother’s body, or lead to serious problems after the baby is born. Knowing the blood types before getting pregnant can easily solve any problems before they occur. (another good call... I think we OK, but, better to be safe than sorry... sorry Harvey, I know how you hate needles!)

ImmunitiesDiseases such as Rubella, Chicken Pox and 5th’s
Disease can be very dangerous to a pregnant women and her baby. There are blood tests that can be done before a woman gets pregnant that tests her immunity to these diseases. If a woman finds that she is not immune to one or more of these diseases she might be able to take the vaccines prior to getting pregnant to assure that she doesn’t get the disease while pregnant.

Prenatal Vitamins
Prenatal vitamins are very important for a woman once she gets pregnant. They help provide enough folic acid and iron as well as other essential nutrients that the woman will need to help sustain a healthy pregnancy. However, if you are thinking of getting pregnant, it is never too soon to begin taking the vitamins as an attempt to help maximize your health. (planning to start these soon!)

Prescription Medications
Be sure to review any prescription medications that you are currently taking with your doctor before trying to get pregnant. There are several medications that are not safe for you to take while pregnant and could cause harm to the fetus. In most cases there are alternate medications that you can take that are safe during pregnancy.
(CHECK... not taking any! Whoo Hoo!)

Weight Control
Before you get pregnant it is a good idea to be at the best weight you can be. A woman who is in the right span of weight for her height will have an easier time getting pregnant and staying pregnant. Women who are over or under weight may have a harder time getting pregnant as their body is not working to its’ full capacity.
(great... sigh... that means I actually have to step on the scale and pay attention... LOL)

Smoking, Alcohol, and Drugs
If you use any foreign substances you should stop. Smoking while pregnant can lead to fetal death, underweight babies and cause later health problems such as asthma in your child. Alcohol can lead to fetal alcohol syndrome which can damage parts of the brain. The same is true for recreational drug use. If you are addicted to a drug then your baby can also be born addicted to that drug causing him more long term problems in the future.

Wow. there are quite a few things to consider before any REAL BIG decisions have to be made! I'm glad we are looking at them ahead of time.

Its better to be PROACTIVE than REACTIVE... I sure do hear that alot these days... LOL

Little piece of orange hope....

If you know my husband, you know that he always has a Tennessee "T" on his person somewhere... most of the time, it's his orange baseball hat. We have collected anything and everything from glass wear, neon signs, professional prints, rugs,and even some custom "T" artwork from family... We plan to make him a Tennessee Vols office when we remodel the upstairs.

When we first started talking about babies, he always seemed to get this uncomfortable look on his face and there was always something else to talk about or get up a do. So, I got my creative juices flowing... there must be something I can do to help him feel more at ease with this. He liked the idea of having kids, I think it was mostly the "not knowing what to do" once we had kids that was getting to him.

I was looking online for a Christmas gift when I found the perfect thing. An orange and white pacifier with the Tennessee "T" on it. PERFECT! I had thought about saving it for when it was time to announce the new baby's arrival... but... If you know me... you know that I can't wait for anything.

And I'm glad I didn't wait. I had it sitting on the coffee table when he came home from work one night... when he first saw it, he laughed, and through out the evening, he kept picking it up and examining it. I knew right then that it was the smartest thing I could have ever done (By accident too!)

So, even though we don't have a bundle of joy on the other end of that pacifier just yet, it's nice to see it sitting in the house from time to time. To know that eventually, it will just be one of the many little things that get overlooked and stuffed between the cushions of the couch....

A little piece of Orange hope marked with a "T"

Smile

It all began with a smile and a big sigh of relief.

I guess you could say we've been "winging" it for about a year now. We decided early on that we were not going to go crazy over this with tests, constant temperature taking, going home at a moments notice to... well... you know.

But, with complication history in my family... It was killing me that I didn't know for sure. I decided one morning to figure out my cycle on the calendar and try the Ovulation testing kit.

I have to say that I didn't really pick a good time to be testing myself. With major changes at work that left projects and even job status on shaky ground, beginning to teach my spring semester of Illustrator at Butler, Jonathan trying to finish up the kitchen remodel (which left tools and supplies piled throughout the kitchen), among many other smaller projects in the beginning stages, this was not smart to be taking the ovulation quiz. I was already under so much pressure. But I didn't realise this until I had taken 6 tests out of the 7 that came with the kit and all were negative. No Ovulation.

"What dose this mean?!" I was pretty sure I had all the dates right... what was going on? I knew that there might be some complications lurking in my family history.. but I had hopes that we just might be OK. Was I wrong? Were we really going to have to go through a bunch of testing and medical procedures to have kids? Jonathan and I had decided early on that we really didn't believe in all that... but... if were were faced with it being our only option... would we stick by those beliefs? We had talked about adoption even before getting married, that it might be something to look at in our lives... but, being faced with it, would it be the right move for us?

All these thoughts raced through my mind in the matter of seconds after the 6th test came up blank. And none of those thoughts, I will admit, had anything to do with God's plan for us. All the thoughts were about what we had planned... what I had planned...

It wasn't until Wednesday morning, that I decided to take the last test. I didn't even want to look at it. I washed my hair, got ready for work, went out and started my car, and finally went back to see. I mirrored the smile that was beaming up at me....

"Thank you God"

proj⋅ect

...to propose, contemplate, or plan a large or major undertaking, esp. one involving considerable money, personnel, and equipment.

(I know this will take money, and I hope others will want to help... I just hope we have the right equipment... LOL)

It seems like every moment in our life consists of "projects". Wether its one of my "project deadlines" at work, a new "sign project" with Jonathan's business, one of my many "knitting projects", or Jonathan working on our never-ending home "remodeling projects". So, the title to our blog seemed to fall into place with "The Little Harvey Project".

The wonderful (and at times, scary) realization of this "project" is that it will be a continuous project for the rest of our lives. I am excited that it will be ever-changing and forever challenging, and most of all, the most rewarding project we will ever attempt.

I am happy that you are sharing in this endeavor with us and hope you are excited to share in our hopes and fears and joys of having our "little Harvey".