Smile

It all began with a smile and a big sigh of relief.

I guess you could say we've been "winging" it for about a year now. We decided early on that we were not going to go crazy over this with tests, constant temperature taking, going home at a moments notice to... well... you know.

But, with complication history in my family... It was killing me that I didn't know for sure. I decided one morning to figure out my cycle on the calendar and try the Ovulation testing kit.

I have to say that I didn't really pick a good time to be testing myself. With major changes at work that left projects and even job status on shaky ground, beginning to teach my spring semester of Illustrator at Butler, Jonathan trying to finish up the kitchen remodel (which left tools and supplies piled throughout the kitchen), among many other smaller projects in the beginning stages, this was not smart to be taking the ovulation quiz. I was already under so much pressure. But I didn't realise this until I had taken 6 tests out of the 7 that came with the kit and all were negative. No Ovulation.

"What dose this mean?!" I was pretty sure I had all the dates right... what was going on? I knew that there might be some complications lurking in my family history.. but I had hopes that we just might be OK. Was I wrong? Were we really going to have to go through a bunch of testing and medical procedures to have kids? Jonathan and I had decided early on that we really didn't believe in all that... but... if were were faced with it being our only option... would we stick by those beliefs? We had talked about adoption even before getting married, that it might be something to look at in our lives... but, being faced with it, would it be the right move for us?

All these thoughts raced through my mind in the matter of seconds after the 6th test came up blank. And none of those thoughts, I will admit, had anything to do with God's plan for us. All the thoughts were about what we had planned... what I had planned...

It wasn't until Wednesday morning, that I decided to take the last test. I didn't even want to look at it. I washed my hair, got ready for work, went out and started my car, and finally went back to see. I mirrored the smile that was beaming up at me....

"Thank you God"